Leaf's Window
by Endles
Summary: The musings of a girl on the relationship between the two boys she likes to call her best friends. blatant hints of Red/Green


**Leaf's Window**

-x-

Their friendship held all the ingredients of a tragic love story.

First―there was distance. Not necessarily in the sense of geographical distance, no, they even used to be neighbors and all. Heck, there was barely three meters between their windows. They used to talk to each other over the gap most every night ever since they both learned how to open the latches. After that storm when a lightning struck the original swing-tree and the professor made planks out of it, they even set up a make-shift bridge between their rooms. Neither Delia nor Daisy ever had a clue of these dangerous schemes going on about above them. I was the only one that knew, simply because I was the girl that lived not next doors but on the other side of the road and my window was facing both their houses.

I used to watch them a whole lot back then. It was envy, mostly, or at least that's what I've later on learned to think of it as. I was envious of their relationship much like I still am—for all that it pains me to admit that, even to myself. It wasn't as if they neglected me, nope, nothing of the sort. They both accepted me into their dynamic-duo-turned-trio like it was as natural as breathing. Maybe it was―for all I know, neither of them would still be breathing if it wasn't for me.

Yet, there was always something missing in the way they would look at me or talk to me or laugh with me. I saw that missing something in the way they would look at each other and talk with each other or laugh with each other. I wanted that too, y'know, quite like the big sis or bro always wants the things the new baby gets.

Upon later reflection it's easy to say that I should've known I would never be able to reach that level of understanding they shared with each other. Nowadays I'm at peace with myself—with the things I've done and with the things I never got to do even though I tried. Because try I did. I did everything, and I do mean everything, in my power to force myself between them. I was a pushy brat, goddamn annoying and I sure as hell am allowed to say so myself. But I did it all because I wanted to be just as important to them both as they were to each other.

It more or less helped in driving them gradually apart and at each others throats, but that's something I never could have envisioned at the time. It was too damn important to me then to keep pushing myself forward, closer and closer until it was already hard to breathe.

As I said, I'm at peace with myself now. I can only hope that someday they too will be at peace with me. Not that they ever truly blamed it on me, no way. Boys don't do that—when a woman gets between them they go to war for that woman's sake rather than admit that maybe, _possibly_, the woman's not worth it.

(Not that I wasn't. I'm goddamn worth it. But I was never the right one for either of them.)

Well, It's almost exactly what they did, too. They started fighting, very suddenly and, being the dumb blonde that I was all the way until my hair started darkening when I turned twelve, I couldn't for the life of me understand why it was happening.

These days it's easy enough to get them talk or, well, to nod along. I'll talk about how I'm sure I was the push that sent the stones rolling and how I regret how it all happened but how I can't do jack to change it anymore. Water under the bridge, they say, or simply shrug before walking away. It infuriates me.

It isn't okay. It wasn't then and it isn't now, but for the time being I'll pretend that it is. It's all too fresh still in our memories to be deeply analyzed and torn to shreds. These things take time and I'll have to be patient, even if it never was my forte, just so I can someday smile at them with no remorse and see them answer that smile.

Where was I now? Oh, right, the definition of distance in their relationship… that was what I was going to try, but never got that far. It's easy to lose sight of what's right in front of you if you keep poking your head in every direction. This, I guess, was another part of the reason why they grew so far apart so quickly.

So, according to my definition, the second requirement for a true tear jerker: codependency.

As long as I remember, in our childhood that is, one of them was always reaching out for the other. Wherever one of them went the other always followed. I guess it brought them that security, which is now lacking from their relationship. The kind of comfort that a lost, lonely child needs—because that's exactly what both of them were: lost and lonely. I couldn't understand much, then, about their familial relationships, about why one was living with his still underage sister, who acted like a mother, and one with a mother, who acted like she was underage. All these things become clear with age, but as a snot-nosed brat it never made sense to me.

I did, though, understand the special kind of connection that ran between them—especially so, whenever one would stand unsure and the other would immediately appear by their side. Their bond (they would both kick my ass if they knew I was using these kinds of words to describe their friendship, or current lack thereof) was the sort that's always shown in movies, that one where a very small, seemingly meaningless physical gesture, a brush against an elbow or a nudge on the shoulder, would immediately act as a motivator that could steer them in the right direction.

Maybe you can understand now, why I so wanted to feel a part of it too and why I so desperately pushed myself in between them. Then again, maybe you_ can't_ and you think me a conceited bitch, which I am perfectly capable of being if I so desire. Nonetheless, it is invaluable to understand how they've forever been dependent on each other and that the necessity of that shared reassurance has never truly gone away, not even when they've been fighting for the most part of the past decade.

Only at this point we can begin to approach the question of concrete, tangible distance that can be measured. As I pointed out in the very beginning, they've lived close by all throughout their childhood, which proved efficient in their initial need for close physical proximity (in a completely innocent meaning, mind you) as well as their mental dependence of each other. Later on, as things started to get complicated with the addition of ideological interests, mainly pokémon that is to say, as well as the ever increasing harassment from yours truly, the short distance between their homes became like a rope tied around their necks, because wherever they went, the other was always, if not already, there.

In hindsight, they should've given themselves and each other more space, because space was exactly the ingredient indispensable at that point of growing up. It goes without saying, that it was been their parents' and caretakers' duty to see to this, but as their situation left much to be hoped for, any attempts to prevent the upcoming train crash were inadequate when compared to the forces of the two combined.

It was almost funny how easily they shifted.

On Monday they would be spending all their spare time in each other's presence. The following Sunday that much hadn't changed, but the air itself had. Ever since that shift there was, and has been, a barely contained animosity beneath all their interactions—a spite and a fear that often reached its peak, sometimes rather violently, when they were left for their own devices for too long.

Some would say it was inevitable, that nobody could survive that long in a relationship so overpowering without being—surprise, surprise—overpowered by it. But I disagree. Call me whatever you wish to, but I honestly feel as though it could've been prevented, if necessarily not with the tools present at the time.

Still, there's no crying over spilled milk and what's done is done… my mission, instead of mourning over what-ifs, has been to bring this sad tale, with a possible underlying layer of romance, to a happier conclusion—preferably before the end of the rope has been reached. There has been some significant improvement in the later years, after the whole mess of going on our individual pokémon journeys instead of the shared one we all envisioned as children, but the big things, the notions that really set wheels in motion are still to come. And as I was before, I'm willing to bet my position as a silp co. shareholder that eventually this time as well, it will be yours truly who's gonna give that little push.

It might happen very suddenly, like last time, or it might take years. In any case, this time I'm willing to sit on my ass and wait like a good girl only should―or so I've been told. Until it's finally time to act, well―I'm gonna be on the lookout, watching them from my window like in the good ol' times.

And who knows, maybe their would-be romance will turn out happier, after all.

-x-

**end**

* * *

A/N: I've had the idea for this fic for like five years, and it has been in the making for at least two… what can I say, I have a (bad) habit of writing in sporadic bursts. In the end, it turned very different from what I first envisioned (that always happens, doesn't it) but well, I'm just happy it's finished.

As you can see, there are no names, but I've marked the characters in question (Leaf, Red & Green) so that no one should've come into this blindly. One thing I'm concerned about is how Leaf's self-blame comes across, so I would just like to note here that she is in no way solely responsible for how Red's and Green's relationship turned out―she just feels guilty and that's something she herself will have to let go.

Ahh, and I made her a silph co. share holder on a whim. I just thought: "hey, what if instead of giving the master ball as a reward for saving the company, the president had given Leaf some stocks" :D

Thanks for reading! And as always, leave a note if you enjoyed!


End file.
